Bumping Around the California Coast....
Hello my friends! I’m so sorry I haven’t not written much (er, anything) in the past 4-5 weeks; I’ve just been not-surprising overwhelmed with cancer. So many doctor’s appointments (and most of them 2 hours away), and so much pain. All that pain I’ve been having the past several months—the ear pain and the TMJ? Yeah, it was all definitely real, but it’s roots were all in the tumor in my tongue.
I’ve been spending the past month processing this new diagnosis, both asking and accepting how and why this new tumor was missed even though I went to all of my appointments, and had a lot of ….questionable symptoms …especially as someone who had already had oral cancer. It’s been a lot both physically and mentally. In the end, these questions as they apply to me, do not really matter. I’m here, I have cancer and now I must face what the future holds. Okay. But if I don’t address these issues, I’ll never get over them.
Right now Cody and I are vacation. Or really, it’s more like “vacation.” About 12 months ago, we booked our dog sitter for 10 days so we could fly off to Italy and Croatia on a vegan tour that eventually fell through. But since our sitter is booked so far in advance, we though we’d just keep the time on the books and find someplace to go. We contemplated Scotland and New York City…. but then as time went on, I had this funny feeling in me… and then the TMJ started, and then my diagnosis, and suddenly, I was glad that we had never rebooked our vacation. It all felt very strange. But I digress. So our dog sitter is watching our cache of adorable mutts and I told Cody that I wanted to stay local. As much as I wanted to visit my family in the desert, I knew that just too many doctor’s appointments were going to impose themselves on us, and some indeed have.
So first we went to Carmel and stayed at a place called The Sandpiper Inn down by the beach. It was lovely, but you know what I did the whole time? Stayed in bed. The pain is beginning to get to me. And then we cruised over to Half Moon Bay (with a stop at Stanford in between) and now are enjoying the greenery at a rather large place called The Half Moon Bay Lodge. It’s not fancy, but I like it, I think mostly because of the large rooms, the patio outside and the sound of the bullfrogs, too. Plus we always spend a day in HMB getting our pumpkins every October, so I have very fond feelings for this little coastal town.
Of course the even weirder thing about all of this is that I am not eating, so only Cody is on the outlook for veggie food. I've been trying, rather unsuccessfully to load up on vegan protein shakes. I say “unsuccessfully” because the ones I’m supposed to be drinking are FULL of oil and kinda gross. But now I’ve lost too much weight and need to get back on the bandwagon and try to gain as much weight as I can.
Next week is my surgery, and it’s…complicated. I’m not going to go into it now, but let’s say that my speech will be impacted, as will my ability to eat. And that is the hard part: the not-eating part. How can a vegan food blogger blog about vegan food if the blogger cannot eat? GOOD QUESTIONS. I know there are a lot of things I can do with my life; I can travel, I can still cook, I can still do things for and with animals and dogs…but if one of my true loves is EATING VEGAN FOOD, well then…. ouch.
So… how do I get around this? Another good question! Of course, plant-based food and veganism are not equivalent, but food is the one thing I’ve always loved. Yes, there are many, many other subjects I can write about that are vegan, and I do have time to consider them since I will be camped out at the hospital for a week and then 6 weeks at home recovering. I might just write about vegan protein shakes for vegans with a feeding tube (because they do exist!). Or I could discuss vegan fashion or handbags or travel; I just really don’t know at this point.
And actually, it’s taken me a long time to write this entry because by doing so, I am acknowledging that I will have to rebrand Tofu Bunny and start over. I’ll leave up the past posts and photos and simple began again. And it’s okay. I’m always vegan, and once I’ve recovered and figure out what to write about, I know I will find inspiration everywhere I turn.
Alright, enough of this post; I have to take part in a clinical trial early tomorrow. I wish everyone well and I hope to be back and writing again soon.
(Up top is what Cody and I call a “ghost tree.” I’m pretty sure that’s not what it’s actually called, but that’s what we call it at least.)